On average, how much time do you give your child each day, and is it enough to cultivate a strong and loving relationship? Would this differ if you knew that children determine their value by the amount of time they receive from those closest to them?
Love is spelt TIME
Time with our children communicates, ‘You are important and I love you,’ which is why prioritising family time is an essential principle for effective parenting.
With busy schedules, homes that need to be kept orderly, and demanding work commitments, the task of getting time with our children often seems an unrealistic one. But as challenging as it is, we’re learning that time together is necessary for the development of our relationships.
Big rocks FIRST
One illustration I’ve heard of is that of a professor who asked his students to fill a large glass jar with rocks, pebbles and then sand, each time asking them to decide as to whether the jar was full or not. His point was that had they filled the jar with sand and pebbles first, the rocks (representative of things of most importance) wouldn’t have got into the jar, therefore resulting in them not being done.
The same is true of our parenting. Unless we put in place the things that are important to the health and strength of the relationships we have with our children, they'll be replaced or crowded out by the things that are less important. As I once heard said by Rob Parsons of Care for the Family about making time for our children, 'If we don't book it in, we book it out.'
This is why we make a concerted effort to be intentional about having time together as a family and when necessary one-to-one time with each of our children. We don’t always get it right, sometimes making mistakes, and there are occasions when we agree the need to increase the amount of time we’re investing - particularly when we observe significant changes in their behaviour.
Family routines
Some of the things we do to spend time together as a family include:
Family nights – set aside times when everybody hangs out together. This often involves watching a film, a popular TV programme like X Factor, or playing the Wii - though be careful as this can often be embarrassing for the older members of the household.
Fry Up Friday – a weekly lads’ fry up that I have with our boys. It’s a great way of connecting with them before school whilst at the same time teaching them how to cook the all important full English breakfast! Some useful conversations have been had during these times, including how to handle the girls who keep following them around in the playground!
Team housework – pulling the family together as a team to get through some of the household chores is often a fun and strategic way of getting those mundane tasks completed quickly. This is also good because we’re able to coach them to be a ‘bit’ domesticated, whilst instilling the values of team work, cleanliness and responsibility. A bit of timed competition also helps!
Meal times – we’ve always made a habit of eating together most days. The value of this was most obvious when it was interrupted for a short period while the dining room was being decorated. However, now the room is beautifully functional (I’m proud of my handy work!), we’re back on track.
During meals we share stories from each of our days, discuss family concerns (including sibling conflict – what joy!) and have a good laugh - mostly at my expense.
There’s also a no phone rule!
It doesn't have to break the budget
As you’d have hopefully seen, prioritising time with our children doesn’t have to be expensive. Of course, there are other ways to spend time with our children including reading, exercising, helping them with spellings, cooking, and making good use of daily occurrences such as the school run. Getting out to the park, swimming, playing football on the drive, going for a walk or having a great family holiday are all other examples of times together too.
It may start by identifying what our children like and then intentionally putting those things into our schedule as a way of being more effective in our parenting.
Your thoughts and comments
What things do you do to connect with your child or children?
What one routine could you put in place this month as a way of spending more time together?
We’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas - particularly for children of different age groups.
Please leave your comment in the field below.
Photo: Mrs Logic