As hard as parenting can be, and though we sometimes wish we had the option of bailing out, it’s important to resolve in our heads and hearts, that we're in this for the long haul. Which is why the first, and arguably most essential 'P' necessary for effective parenting, is perseverance.
There are no quick fixes
On several occasions I've spoken to parents seeking instant solutions to address a child’s behaviour.
"How can I get her to talk to me?"
"What can I do to make him stop telling lies?"
"How can I get her to stop being so disrespectful?"
"Why is he so aggressive?"
But the difficulty with a one size fits all - instant solution type approach to parenting - and what makes it unhelpful for us as parents, is that immediate change in children's behaviour is as rare as locating a spotty tiger in a local supermarket.
You get my point?!
Behaviour takes time to change
Infact, the opposite is true. Change occurs over time. Habitual patterns of behaviour can't be addressed and modified overnight. And this is why parenting requires that we develop perseverance.
The reality is that there'll be seasons when we simply have to weather the storm. Accepting, rather than fighting this, can make it all the more bearable during times of real difficulty. It’s far too often that I’ve heard parents say, “I can’t carry on” or “I’ve had enough,” in their attempts to get support for a parenting challenge. Each time I hear those or similar words I’m saddened, particularly when they come from a parent who is genuinely trying to do the best for their child.
Unfortunately, on the occasions when I hear those words from parents, there’s not much that can be said or done, other than encouraging them to consider their parenting style and to keep dialoguing with their child as often as possible.
Keep boundaries and show love!
But the things which can be most complicated during these times are probably of most importance; maintaining boundaries and remaining consistent in the communication of our love to our children. Despite how hard we find things, or how unresponsive our children are to our very best parenting efforts, these are the things that bring them reassurance and security in the turbulent times.
This isn't always easy for us as parents. And if truth be told, there have been times when I'd rather have swallowed a chilli pepper than talk to one of our offsprings who'd not too long been rude or disobedient.
But as parents, despite the abuse we receive from disrespectful teenagers, tantruming toddlers, or brazenly boystrous boys, we need to be willing to take the initiative. With that, as we develop our willlingness and ability to pesevere in our role as parents, it’s important that we remind ourselves daily that we can manage, whilst taking one day at a time.
Photo: Toolmantim