Any parent living with the realities of having to repeat instructions several times a day understands how easy it is to become frustrated at a child who seems either incapable, or unwilling to comply, with what we'd consider to be a 'simple and reasonable' request.
This is why parenting requires much patience.
Managing our emotions
Though as parents we sometimes convince ourselves that we've mastered the art of masking our emotions, we need to be aware that though we attempt to hide what we're feeling, our children are intuitive enough to pick up on our frustrations, and capable of pushing us to our limits!
As with all our emotions, it’s essential that we're aware of them, and that we learn to manage them, as if not controlled, they can lead to us acting out of anger - a response that’s unhelpful for us and our children.
Even the most experienced parent is capable of responding out of anger in one of two ways.
Either we become passively aggressive; withdrawing from our child by ignoring or not engaging with them, or we become actively aggressive; revealing our emotions by shouting or yelling. Neither response helps to address the concern effectively. Nor is it likely that we'll see a positive outcome.
So how do we deal with these tests of our patience? We remain in control and manage our anger. Yelling and shouting is ineffective in these moments - achieving nothing but increased blood pressure and ill health.
I don’t know about you, but I can remember being amused by the teachers at school who lost their temper during lessons. In fact, I recall us intentionally seeing who could trigger them off first – it was entertainment - we felt empowered when we succeeded.
Remaining composed as parents not only demonstrates control, but models appropriate ways of managing emotions.
Have appropriate expectations
Our children will always test our patience - it’s just part of them growing up and finding their place in the family.
In my experience, it’s when I want quiet they'll want to hum, sing, or bang on the table. And on those occasions when we really need to get somewhere quickly, they'll want to use the toilet, or realise that they can’t find their shoes.
Knowing that I too can be the cause of frustration when we need to leave and I can't find my keys, or have forgotten where I’ve left my Blackberry, helps me to keep things in perspective. If as parents we too are forgetful, run late, and don't get a job done satisfactorily on occasion, its only right that we get comfortable with the idea that our children will too.
This is where having realistic expectations is key to being patient in our parenting. Upon reflection, there have been several times when my annoyance was more the result of my expectations, than the behaviour of one of our children.
When I give thought to what is an appropriate pattern of behaviour for their age and understanding, and put myself in their shoes, it helps.
We have, and always will lose our patience from time to time. It’s good to remember this so we can prepare ourselves to pause, take a deep breath, (count to ten if that helps), and address the problem calmly rather than going 'off on one.'
But most importantly, we need to be patient with ourselves.
Feedback or questions
Would you agree with my thoughts on the importance of being patient as a parent?
Can you think of a time when you've not been patient? What was the outcome? Was it what you'd have hoped for?
Photo: Darren Hester